Throughout all the years of the full-scale war, Russia has been trying to terrorize Ukraine with guided aerial bombs. Now, the Ukrainian arsenal also features its own KAB “Virivniuvach” with a range of up to 130 kilometers and a 250-kilogram warhead.
What exactly it will help “straighten out” for Russian headquarters, depots, and television generals is explored in a satirical article by Ivan Arefiev, written especially for the Prompolitinform portal.
Russians spent years claiming that their KABs were some kind of special argument of the “second army of the world.” They dropped multi-ton bombs on Ukrainian cities, destroyed homes, hospitals, and schools, and then broadcasted it on television as a massive military achievement.
The logic is simple: if you fail to capture a city, you must turn it into ruins and declare that this was the “liberation.”
But now this story has a Ukrainian plot twist. Ukraine has created its own guided aerial bomb with a very telling name — “Virivniuvach” (The Equalizer / The Straightener).
Not an “analogue-net.” Not the “Imperial Destroyer of Washington.” Not the “Orthodox Thunderer named after Comrade Stalin.” Simply — “Virivniuvach.” Short, clear, and without unnecessary Russian pathos.
What Is Known from Open Sources
According to open-source information, the Ukrainian “Virivniuvach” has completed the necessary testing and is already officially being procured for supply to the Armed Forces of Ukraine.
Declared characteristics:
• application range — from 10 to 130 kilometers;
• warhead mass — 250 kilograms;
• purpose — high-precision strike on targets in the deep rear of the enemy;
• developer — Ukrainian company DG Industry;
• estimated cost — almost three times lower than the American JDAM.
At the same time, Ukraine is developing about ten more promising models of high-precision aviation weapons. This was reported to Ukrinform by Colonel Vladyslav Voloshyn, Head of the Department of the Central Management of Innovation Activity of the ZSU.
This is important because Russian KABs remain one of the greatest challenges for Ukrainian defense. In March 2026 alone, the Russian army used 7,987 guided aerial bombs.
The Ministry of Defence of Ukraine calls the development of its own high-precision aviation ammunition one of the ways to counter Russia’s superiority in the use of KABs.
And This Is Where the Comedy Begins
Somewhere in a Russian headquarters, Colonel Halupkin is sitting and conducting a morning briefing:
— Comrades officers, Ukraine has created its own KAB.
General Puzyriov nervously adjusts his medal “For the Capture of Kyiv on TV”:
— And what is the name?
— “Virivniuvach.”
Silence falls in the room.
So quiet that you can hear a warrant officer in the next office writing off diesel fuel for a tank that burned down three months ago.
— And what does it straighten out? — the general asks.
— Officially, designated military targets for now.
— And unofficially?
— Unofficially — our self-esteem.
Because “Virivniuvach” is not even just the name of a weapon. It is a diagnosis for Russian imperial arrogance.
For years, Kremlin television generals explained to Russians that only they could drop guided bombs with impunity. They claimed a Russian plane flies, a Russian KAB glides, and everyone else should just stand and admiringly gaze at the majesty of a gas station with wings.
But Ukraine has disrupted the Russian scenario once again. First, Ukrainians did not meet the occupiers with flowers. Then they did not allow Kyiv to be taken in three days. Next, they began sinking the Black Sea Fleet, destroying Russian air defense, and arranging an early introduction of oil refineries to the decarbonization program. And now they have also created their own “Virivniuvach.”
What will this product give to the Russians? First of all — an opportunity to straighten their posture. Because when a characteristic sound is heard somewhere near a military facility, even the most slouching Russian rear-guard serviceman will instantly stand straight, pull himself up, and very quickly remember all his physical education lessons.
Secondly, “Virivniuvach” will help straighten out Russian television faces. Solovyov will stop shouting about “Kyiv in three days” and start explaining that explosions at military facilities are just “scheduled ventilation of warehouses.” Skabeeva will report that the Ukrainian bomb missed everything, and the ammunition depot simply decided to demobilize itself. Konashenkov will traditionally claim that Russian air defense shot down everything. Especially what continued to explode for another two days.
Thirdly, the product can help straighten out the Russian understanding of distance. Because for a Russian, 130 kilometers was considered a “deep and safe rear” just yesterday. And today, it is already a distance at which military depots, command posts, and other legitimate targets can no longer feel as confident as they are assured in the evening news.
But the main thing is that the earth is not what gets straightened. One should not take the name literally. The task of high-precision weapons is not thoughtless destruction of territories, as Russia does, but the precise destruction of legitimate military targets. Therefore, “Virivniuvach” must first of all equalize capabilities. Equalize Russia’s superiority in aviation ammunition. Equalize the overconfidence of Russian headquarters regarding rear security. Equalize the bill for Ukrainian cities that the enemy has been shelling with KABs for years. And ultimately, straighten the path to the day when a Russian plane with a bomb will no longer feel like the master of the Ukrainian sky.
There is something very Ukrainian about the name “Virivniuvach.” Without unnecessary shouting. Without cartoons about missiles. Without cardboard mock-ups driven around Red Square. Ukrainians simply took Russia’s advantage, placed it on their workbench, and said:
— It’s lying crooked. Needs to be straightened.
So Russians should get used to the new reality. Previously, Ukraine received their KABs without an invitation. Now Ukraine has its own “Virivniuvach.” And it can very convincingly explain a simple truth to the Russian rear: the war you brought to Ukrainian land will sooner or later shorten the distance between crime and responsibility.
Author: Ivan Arefiev
Collage: Andrii Atlantov
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